Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
