I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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