was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
