Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
