Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
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