What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
