I can tuck mytits in my pants
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
