I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
