So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
