Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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