Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Randomize
