Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
