I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize
