my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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