Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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