you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
