He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
