I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
