I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
