I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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