I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
