my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
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