the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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