she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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