is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
