every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
