two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
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