The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
