Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
