I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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