If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
