yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
