Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
