I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
