Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
even my farts smell like vagina
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
