I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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