I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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