we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Randomize
