I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
