Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
