I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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