Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
