I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Will exercising make me less horny?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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