yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
