dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
