he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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