if i died would you start the facebook group?
it was like eating out sand paper
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
