so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
