you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Randomize
