Where are you?
In a non slutty way
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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